The end of the boob era

Yesterday, when I picked Austin up he looked at a passing fire truck and said, "wow." This seemed like the most natural reaction in the world, and it was, except that he had never said the word "wow" before. He nailed it! Indeed, a fire truck with lights and sirens on deserves a "wow."

Milestones are passing like lightening these days and I haven't had time to reflect on a big one: the end of breastfeeding.

The first day and for a few days after I returned from Tunisia (see The Separation) I stayed away from Austin at bedtime and sunrise, because these are vulnerable nursing hours. Indeed, on that first morning he came into bed with us early in the morning and turned toward me on instinct. We shared a moment I will never forget. He looked at me and I looked at him. He leaned in a little. I leaned out a little. If there is such a thing as a baby wink, Austin gave it. His face told me what his subsequent behavior confirmed: he accepted this new, post-boob reality in stride (well, and with a little insurance of more pacifier time to be safe.)

I then went through two weeks of agonizing engorgement. But that too has passed and I'm left to think about this whole experience.

I do believe nursing is the incredible bonding experience that mothers say it is and I enjoyed it once we got the hang of it, which was not easy in the beginning. I do not feel sad. I do not miss it. Truth be told, I feel mostly relief that my worse fear of Austin asking to nurse using actual words will never happen. Although it happened "cold turkey," we were working up to it. I shad topped the god forsaken pumping nonsense back in February. I HATED pumping. It is demeaning, messy and time consuming. Shame on the industry for not finding a better way. I digress.

Austin wasn't receiving pumped milk during the day for some time. Prior to Tunisia, I was worried about evenings and mornings. But on the first day that I was gone, Austin did not seem interested in the bottle Hayden offered him. I knew he was ready.

It is sometimes still a little awkward between us, like when I pick him up at the end of the day. He used to rush to me and start nursing before I was barely in the door. He knows he should not do that now so he hesitates when I arrive. Sometimes he ignores me or walks in the opposite direction. Once I scoop him up, though, all is forgotten and we move on.

Last night, at the dinner table, I passed Austin his water bottle and he said, "thank you." I was floored. It was perfect. The milestones march on.

PS I spotted a top front tooth. I repeat I spotted a top front tooth coming in finally!